The Truth About Birth Mothers and Dispelling the Misconceptions
By Megan Kostraba
When it comes to adoption, there can be many incorrect misconceptions about birth mothers. People stereotype birth mothers in a certain light, assuming things about birth mothers that are simply not true. Any individual that you meet who stereotypes you is someone that does not deserve your time and energy! That is why we are on a mission for dispelling the misconceptions!
At Adoption Choices of Arizona, we work closely with birth mothers everyday. We get to know the real you. Our adoption agencies in Arizona work with women from all walks of life. From this, we know that birth mothers are individuals looking to do what’s best for their child. Your pregnancy and adoption plan is very personal to you—it really is no one else’s business why you chose to place your baby up for adoption. Let’s look at some of these misconceptions, and explain why they are wrong.
- Birth Mothers Don’t Love their Children
This couldn’t be farther from the truth. We know that birth mother’s are choosing adoption out of the best interest for their child, and out of the love in their heart. Placing your baby up for adoption is a very personal choice, and one that you have probably made for good reason with lots of thinking behind it. Unplanned pregnancy happens all of the time, and it’s something that will continue to happen as time moves on. Just because you are choosing to place your baby up for adoption does not mean that you do not love them. The choice you’ve made comes from love; for the hope that your child will have opportunities in life that you may not be able to provide. Whether you’ve chosen adoption because of financial issues, medical reasons, age, personal goals or more, we know that this is probably one of the hardest choices you’ve ever had to make.
- Adoption is a Selfish Choice
Some people assume that birth mothers are selfish because they “can’t take care of their child” and are choosing to pursue life without considering their child. We know this is the opposite for birth mothers. Every birth mother’s experience is unique to their own life. Some birth mothers already have kids, some do not, and some may want a child, but just later down the road. Most birth mothers go through so many emotions during the adoption process, including guilt, regret, and grief. None of this sounds “selfish” to us. Having to make the adoption choice is selfless, not selfish. By choosing adoption, birth mothers are choosing to do what’s best for their child, regardless of what they want. They are choosing to accept that they will need to heal, mentally and physically, from the stress and emotions that follow adoption. Getting help during your pregnancy and choosing adoption is not a selfish act, regardless of what people assume.
- Birth Mothers Don’t Want a Relationship with their Child
The type of a relationship that a birth mother wants with their child is absolutely up to them. People stereotype adoption to be a contactless, harsh agreement where the birth mother disappears entirely from their child’s life. In reality, it really isn’t like that! Many birth mothers have some form of contact with their child through an open adoption plan. With an open adoption plan, the birth mother and adoptive family keep contact and form a relationship together. Both parties agree on what kind of relationship they want to have, and how much communication they will have with their child. Some forms of communication can include:
- Digital communication
- Social media platforms
- Pictures, video, photos
- Phone calls
- Meeting in person
There are lots of options for birth mothers who wish to keep contact with their child, or even just want to know how they are doing and overall well being. These forms of communication are absolutely normal and encouraged with an adoption agency!
- Most Birth Mothers are Teenage Girls
As we mentioned before, unplanned pregnancies happen all the time, and will only continue to happen. It’s important to remember that an unplanned pregnancy can happen to anyone—that includes all ages. Young, old, middle-aged; does it really matter? Every birth mother has a unique experience that is her own, regardless of what her age is. Most people assume that younger girls chose adoption more often because they were “irresponsible”, but this is just another incorrect stereotype. An unplanned pregnancy does not mean someone was not responsible, sometimes things just happen, and an unexpected pregnancy can happen to anyone at any age.
- Adoption is the “Easy Way Out”
Placing your child up for adoption is one the hardest decisions a birth mother can make. Choosing adoption is choosing so many other things; it can be extremely stressful, confusing, and frustrating. Birth mothers have to prepare themselves in so many ways when it comes to adoption. Our adoption agencies in Arizona are there to help with all of it, but that doesn’t mean the decision itself isn’t taxing for the birth mother. Birth mothers ultimately choose adoption to give their child opportunities and chances in life that they may not be able to provide. That isn’t “giving up” or “taking the easy way out”—it’s making a difficult choice, regardless of your wants and wishes, for the sake of your baby.
Dispelling the Misconceptions and Changing the Birth Mother Stereotype Together
The way your adoption proceeds, and the choices in front of you, are absolutely up to you. Our goal is to make you feel confident and comfortable with your choice in adoption, and assure you that these misconceptions are as it says—just misconceptions. You know the truth about your choices, and you know that it all stems from care and love for your child.
What you choose to do during your adoption plan and process is up to your design, and we will help in any way we can. Reach out to one of our adoption agencies near you, and together we can change the stereotypes about birth mothers. Adoption Choices of Arizona can help.
