Birth Father FAQ with Adoption Choices of Arizona

By Blessing Ikhimokpa

1. Do birth fathers need to be included in the adoption process? 

In Arizona, the birth father must be included if they’re on the birth certificate. Saying they have parental rights over the child. If this is not the case, they don’t have parental rights. The birth mother doesn’t have to involve them in the adoption process. 

If the birth father no longer has parental rights over the birth child. The birth father won’t need to be involved in the adoption process. Otherwise, the birth father will have to be notified about the adoption. This doesn’t mean they’re the final decision. It just means the birth father will need to be notified before the adoption can continue. 

If you have unplanned pregnancy help or questions about placing a baby for adoption. You can visit our adoption agency, and one of our adoption agents will guide you in the right direction. As the birth father, you’re likely to have questions regarding the adoption.  

2. Is counseling provided for birth fathers going through the adoption process? 

At adoption agencies in Arizona, we offer counseling for both birth parents. Not only just for the birth mother. The adoption process is a difficult process for some birth parents, which is why we offer to counsel. This is a time when both the birth mother and the birth father need to come together. 

Whether it’s the birth mother putting a baby up for adoption or the birth father. Counseling is something that could help, either. After the birth parent (s) have placed their birth child up for adoption. They experience feelings of:

• Anger
• Guilt
• Depression
• Regret

They wonder if they’ve done the right thing. Or whether the birth child will think negatively of them. Which is why counseling is offered. So the birth parent (s) can be reassured of their decision to go through with the adoption. Not all birth parent (s) are the same. If you’ve experienced one or all of the feelings named. You can contact our agency, and we will help you. Or guide you toward a counselor with whom you can share your worries. 

3. Will I be able to see my child once the adoption process has finished? 

Depending on the type of adoption you’ve chosen. You’ll be able to keep in contact with the birth child. If being in the child’s life is something you’d like. You can pick open adoption. This is where both you and the adoptive parent (s) will keep in contact. You’ll be able to call, send messages, and visit wherever the adoptive parent (s) are available. 

Having that communication with the adoptive parent (s) regarding the birth child. It is important to some birth parent (s). But not to all. If you don’t want to share your contact or personal information with the adoptive parent (s). You can choose semi-open adoption. Where any communication with the adoptive parent (s). It will be done through the adoption agency. 

Being involved in the adoption process can be an experience some birth parents want. But to others, being involved isn’t something they care for. If this is you, then you should choose the closed adoption. This is for the birth parent (s) who have stepped back and let the adoption agency handle everything. From the adoptive parent(s). To whether or not the birth parent (s) will see the birth child after birth. 

4. Will this adoption affect my relationship with the birth mother? 

If you didn’t know, the birth mother was pregnant and was notified about the adoption. You might decide to be in the birth mother’s life. In order to change their mind. But if you were together, and the adoption was one-sided. Then maybe the relationship might be affected. Otherwise, there shouldn’t be any change if the adoption was a decision both of you wanted. 

If you have trouble with the fact that the birth child has been adopted. You can contact our agency, and you’ll be able to speak with our counselors. With placing a child up for adoption. Be sure this is what you want. 

Once they have been adopted, and the papers have been signed. There is no going back. So, if this was a decision you weren’t fully aware of. Only being notified as the adoption process is ending. Then maybe the relationship between you and the birth mother will be difficult. 

5. What is my role in the birth mother’s life during the adoption process? 

As the birth father, your role is to be a confidant. The person the birth mother can rely on during this time. Whenever the birth mother feels guilty, regretful, or anger, you should be there to reassure her. Telling her, “you did the right thing.” While also telling her if she wanted to keep in contact. She could choose the open adoption choice.

While this applies to you as the birth father, the birth mother should also be able to feel sympathetic toward you if you’re in a relationship. Whenever you feel like “you’ve failed.” The birth mother should also be able to be that confidant. As a couple, you both should be able to rely on each other during this time. 

If you need unplanned pregnancy help and are wondering where you stand in the adoption process. You can contact someone at our agency, and they will guide you in the right direction.

6. What are some misconceptions about birth fathers during the adoption process?

With birth fathers, people leave them out of the adoption process. Since some adoption situations have both the birth mother and the birth father, but that is not the case for everyone. 

With adoption, people like to make up misconceptions. Misconceptions are opinions made by people who don’t know the full truth. But will decide to speak on it as if they do. Some misconceptions about birth fathers are:

• They’re forgotten during the adoption process
• They need to consent to the adoption, even if they’re not in the birth mother’s life.
• They don’t care about adoption 
• They don’t want to be involved in the adoption process

When misconceptions aren’t backed up, they bring about stereotypes. They make people believe what they said must be true since no one is backing it up. The reason people believe in misconceptions is that they’re opinions. Not all opinions are facts, but to some, that is the truth. When people share opinions with them, it must be the truth. 

7. Why don’t people consider the birth father during the adoption process? 

Every birth mother doesn’t have a birth father in their life, especially with unplanned pregnancies. Since it was unplanned, the birth father rarely knew that the birth mother was pregnant. This is because the birth mother could have found out they were pregnant. Could have found out weeks or months later. When they’re no longer in contact with the birth father. 

Therefore, people leave birth fathers out of the adoption process. They don’t forget about them, but the focus isn’t usually on them. The focus is on the birth mother and her going through the adoption. 

As the birth father goes through adoption. You’ll have questions regarding how the adoption process works. You’ll wonder what your position through it all is. While wondering what people will think of you. We’ll help you find where you stand during all of this. We specialize in pregnant mom and birth family adoption services. So, don’t worry. You’re in expert hands. 

8. What emotions do birth fathers go through during the adoption process?

Whatever emotion the birth mother is feeling, the birth father might feel those exact emotions. The birth father might feel like they’ve let the birth mother down. If it wasn’t for them, the birth mother wouldn’t have to place the birth child up. The birth father might think this is all their fault. That if they were better. The birth mother could have decided not to place the child up for adoption.

As they’re going through the last steps of the adoption process. The birth father might feel:

• Denial
• Regret
• Guilt/Blame

Some birth fathers go into denial because they’ll pretend the adoption process isn’t happening. They’ll space out and try to forget about the process entirely. Talk as if the adoption process never happened. So, they don’t think about it. 

They’ll feel regret because they’ll think they could’ve done something. Could’ve prevented this from happening. But it doesn’t always work like that in the end. They’ll try to see if they did it differently. Would the outcome have been the same? 

Now they’ll play the blame game because they’re feeling guilty. So, they’ll start putting the blame on the birth mother. Tell them it’s their fault that this is happening. Putting no blame on themselves. So the responsibility doesn’t fall on them.

9. How can birth fathers deal with the guilt of placing their child up for adoption? 

Birth fathers could go to counseling. At Adoption Choices of Arizona, we offer counseling to both birth mothers and birth fathers. Who’s going through the adoption process? Or who have gone through the adoption process and are now feeling regret or guilt. Towards the situation. 

Our counselors will sit the birth parent (s) down. Ask them whom they’re holding up if they have any concerns regarding the adoption, and whether they’d like to speak about their experience. Or whatever they’re going through. No matter the outcome of the adoption. We’re here to help you get through it. You don’t have to feel like you’re doing this alone. Whether or not you’re with the birth mother. 

If you’re feeling this way and don’t know how to deal with your emotions. You can contact us, and a representative will be there to help. Tell them you’d like to schedule an appointment. A counselor and they’ll guide you in the right direction. 

10. Does the feeling of regret ever go away? With adoption? 

Like anything in life, it’ll take some time. One doesn’t overcome their emotions overnight. It’ll be a gradual thing. To take your mind off it, you can plan a trip. With you by yourself. Or with the birth mother. 

Find things that relax you and engage in those things. Take your mind off the adoption process. While thinking of something else. Now that the adoption process is over. You don’t have to stress anymore. The birth child will be in expert hands with their adoptive parent (s). If you have any worries, you can contact the adoptive parent (s). To schedule a meetup. 

Now, this depends on the type of adoption you choose. If you choose an open adoption, you’ll be able to regularly speak to the birth child. Build that relationship, so you don’t have feelings of regret or guilt. By doing this, you’ll be able to see that the birth child is doing fine. 

For adoption resources or to begin your adoption journey, birth parents can visit us at Adoption Choices of Arizona or call us at or text us at 602-922-0408. If you are a prospective adoptive family hoping to adopt a baby, please, instead, visit us here!