The Do and Don’t Suggestions for Birth Mothers Asking Adoptive Parents Questions

As a birth mother, you always want what is best for your child — especially when it comes to his or her future. Therefore, it is completely natural for your mind to be swimming with questions when meeting a prospective adoptive family. These people, after all, are potentially going to change your child’s life forever. 

So, what questions should you ask? Are there questions that you should avoid? How do you get the most beneficial information out of a first meeting? Here at Adoption Choices of Arizona, we have compiled a helpful list of suggestions of the dos and don’ts of asking adoptive parents questions.

DO: Focus on the Positive 

When asking adoptive parents questions, focus on the positive. Make the different aspects of family life the center of attention. What will your child experience if they are raised by the couple? What kind of life can the adoptive parents offer? To help you determine the best questions to ask, here are a few to get you started:

• How would you describe your personalities?
• What are your hobbies/weekend activities?
• What adventures would you take my child on?
• What is your neighborhood/house like?
• What are your religious preferences?
• Do you plan to work from home after the baby is born?
• What is your relationship with the rest of your family like?
• What are some of your favorite family memories?
• Do you have any pets?
• Do you have any other children?
• Do you want to have a relationship with me?

These are just a few suggestions to point you in the right direction. Additionally, you may find that some of these have already been answered in the profile books provided by your adoption caseworker in the matching process, but it never hurts to ask the adoptive parents for more information and to expand on their answers.

DON’T: Avoid the Uncomfortable

Now that we’ve covered some suggestions for what to ask, what might you want to avoid asking adoptive parents when discussing adoption? 

• Finances – While the adoptive parents’ ability to provide for your child is important, our staff have already analyzed that information and have approved them for adoption. An adoptive family would not be approved if they were not financially stable. If you have any concerns about that aspect, it is best to discuss these with your adoption caseworker instead of the couple or individual.
• Infertility – There are many motivations and reasons adoptive parents choose to adopt. Each couple or individual is different. However, a common factor is infertility or other health concerns that permit them from conceiving naturally. Infertility is a personal and emotional topic that can be painful for adoptive parents to discuss. Therefore, we recommend you avoid asking about it unless the family brings it up.
• Personal Information – When talking to prospective adoptive parents, avoid talking about personally-identifying information. An example of this would be their phone number, address, last name, etc. Your adoption caseworker already has that information and will continue to facilitate future meetings. If you plan to have an open adoption, this information can be shared in the future. However, during the matching process and initial meeting, unless it’s openly offered, this information should remain private.

Asking Adoptive Parents Questions

Determining what you should and shouldn’t ask adoptive parents when meeting them for the first time can seem like a big task. That it may cause you to experience anxiety, pre-meeting jitters or heighten your stress. But remember — your adoption caseworker is there to help you with this. Also, as an adoption agency in Arizona, we are here to support you every step of the way through your adoption journey as a birth mother. Remember, you are free to ask the adoptive family any questions that you like! These are simply suggestions to help make communication between you and the potential adoptive family a more positive experience! 

For adoption resources or to begin your adoption journey, birth parents can visit us at Adoption Choices of Arizona or call or text us at 1-480-900-5520. If you are an prospective adoptive family hoping to adopt a baby, please instead, visit us here!

Meet the Author: Grace Myers is a sophomore Digital Media major at North Greenville University As a firm believer that every individual has a story to tell, and a right to be properly represented, she loves meeting new people and learning their stories. 

When she’s not writing, you can find her listening to music or cuddling with her dog, Sundae.