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Selecting a Family for Your Child: Qualities to Look for in Adoptive Parents 

One of the benefits of placing your child for adoption, is having the power to choose the adoptive parents. It’s only natural that you want your child to be properly loved, and cared for in the best possible hands. In order to do that, you must start narrowing down what you want and don’t want, in potential adoptive parents. 

At Adoption Choices of Arizona, we understand this is a big decision that can feel intimidating at times. That’s why we are here to help you start narrowing down the qualities to look for in adoptive parents.

List non-negotiables 

There are hundreds of thousands of adoptive parents in the United States who are looking to care for a child. Looking at every applicant can seem daunting and quite exhausting. Finding the best fit for you and your baby takes time, but there are ways to make it go by more smoothly. Creating a list of non-negotiable qualities to look for in adoptive parents can help you get started. Here are a few common non-negotiables:

  • Religion – Is religion important to you? Do you want your child to grow up in a religious household? Maybe you had a bad religious experience and don’t want your child to go through the same things, so you choose an adoptive family who aren’t religious. Are there certain religions you are strongly against? 
  • Relationship Status – Many birth mothers dream of the stereotypical adoptive parents, which include a mother and a father. Does a married couple align with your wants for your child? Or are you willing to give a single parent the chance to care for you baby? Think about how important the relationship status the adoptive parents is to you. Do you want a couple who is married? Or do you mind your child growing up in a single parent household. 
  • Location – How close do you want to live near your child? Is it important to you that the adoptive parents live in the same state or city? Location influences a lot of other factors such as school, health, family, and more. Do the adoptive parents live in a good school district? Do they live in a safe part of town? How far away are they from the nearest hospital or urgent care? Think about friends and family that you want surrounding your children. Take inspiration from your own childhood into account when looking at potential adoptive parents. Do they live near family? How often do they hang out with friends? Will your child have any other children to play with?

Start thinking about what is most important to you. Even if your wants seem far-fetched or unrealistic, it’s a good starting point to narrow down applicants. 

Profile details 

After you’ve eliminated applicants who don’t check any of your non-negotiables, it’s time to look closer into the profiles. Sometimes it’s the small details that make the biggest differences. Perhaps a dog is included in the family photo and you’re reminded of your own dog. Maybe the adoptive father has a similar beard to your own father’s facial hair. Or perhaps the adoptive mother is a graphic artist just like you are. With each applicant, ask yourself, “If I weren’t in this current situation, would I likely be friends with them?” If you can’t see yourself being friends with them, how can you see yourself placing your baby for adoption with them

Meet face-to-face

An online profile can only reveal so much about the hopeful adoptive parents. Being around a potential adoptive parent can help put you at ease and give you a chance to witness their personality. Prepare a list of questions to ask if you want. This can help you remember any important details you want to know about the potential adoptive parents

  • Who are you together? If you’re meeting with a couple, you want to know about their relationship. How did they meet? What do they enjoy doing together? What difficult situations made them stronger. This will let you know how they can work together as a parenting team.
  • Support network. Every parent needs support. Whether they have close friends, family members, or a religious support system, it’s important for you to know who they’ll be able to turn to in times of need. It’ll be comforting to know that there are other people in the adoptive parent’s life that’ll be there to help your child as well.
  • What are your plans for the future? This question is helpful in envisioning what your child’s life might be life. Are they looking to move anytime soon? Do they have other children? Do they want more children? Understand what kind of life you envision for your child, and see which adoptive parent might work the best.
  • How important is (fill in the blank)? What’s most important to them, and how will they implement those values in your child’s life? Ask how they view health and wellness. Question if they believe higher education is necessary. Do they fit traveling in their life?

Create a list of questions that are most important to you. What answers are you looking for?

Qualities to look for in adoptive parents

Trust your gut! A mother’s intuition is real, and you shouldn’t feel pressured to select an adoptive parent if they don’t feel like a right fit. You have the right to take as much time as you need to make a decision. But keep in mind that these hopeful adoptive parents are in a vulnerable and emotional state as well, so kindly let them know if they aren’t the one.

For adoption resources or to begin your adoption journey, birth parents can visit us at Adoption Choices of Arizona or call or text us at 1-480-900-5520. If you are an prospective adoptive family hoping to adopt a baby, please instead, visit us here!

Meet the author: Sarah Aguilera, a Northern Arizona University linguistics and creative writing graduate, is an aspiring author with a passion for influencing others through written words. She has a healthy ardor for all things literature and is often found with a book in her hands. 

When she’s not working, Sarah likes to spend her free time swimming, playing with her dog, going to concerts with friends and having crazy adventures with her family. Her love for her own family is what pushed her to join the adoption writing team. She looks forward to educating those hoping to grow their family through adoption.

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