More Than The Blues: Post Placement Resources for Birth Moms in Arizona

Grief. Denial. Depression. These feelings may be all too familiar if you recently placed your baby for adoption. When difficult emotions strike, we often struggle to stop the constant rumination and we begin down a path of self-doubt. If you stumbled upon this post, you are most likely seeking help, reassurance and hope. It is our goal at Adoption Choices of Arizona to provide you with the education and resources you need so that you can continue to be strong during this time. The first key to understanding how to get relief is by identifying your feelings. The psychological effects of placing a child for adoption carries with it a heavy burden for many women. 

A birth mother often feels an overwhelming sense of loss. Not only does she grieve her baby, but she may also mourn the loss of the mothering role. Years later, feelings may resurface that are triggered by the child’s birthday, holidays or other milestones. Should the birth mother decide to have more children, she may be filled with guilt for having placed the first for adoption. 

It’s a process…

The intensity in which birth mothers grieve over their child can vary greatly. However, it is very common for birth mothers to progress through the stages of loss to varying degrees. Just as with mourning the death of a loved one, placing a child for adoption can signal the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. 

After making the decision to place your child for adoption, you may still be in denial and numb to the situation. As a manifestation of reality, you may then realize the devastation you feel and become angered by your own vulnerability. Because of this, you may lash out at others in anger. Soon after, you may begin to rethink your decision, initializing the bargaining stage. Depression may soon follow. Finally, and in your own time, you will come to a place of acceptance. You may struggle with the decision, but you will have a clear mind to see that what you did was the best decision for the child. 

In order to help you get to the place of acceptance faster, we want to provide you with post placement resources for birth mothers in Arizona.

Why do I feel this way?

Feeling grief over your child is normal. In fact, it proves how much you care for your child. Very commonly, birth mothers experience postpartum depression even in the best of situations. As a birth mother without a child physically there to justify your feelings, the depression can overwhelm. Many birth mothers are blindsided by postpartum depression and often do not realize that depression is a chemical imbalance. It is a mixture of physical, emotional and behavioral changes that occur when a woman gives birth and it may not show up immediately. If you are overly tired, have sleep disturbances, frequent mood swings, hopelessness or changes in appetite, you may be experiencing postpartum depression. When coupled with the grief of placing a baby for adoption, the feelings can multiply. The rapid drop in hormones after birth along with the stress of adoption is the perfect recipe for depression. Getting the appropriate medical care is vital when it comes to this disorder.

 Get help sooner than later

• Look at the truth. Birth mothers typically feel guilt when it comes to placing their baby for adoption. Right now, you may feel inadequate and ashamed. But is that the truth? No. The truth is that you are strong for pursuing a better life for you and your baby. In fact, what you have done is the bravest and most selfless thing a person could do. Be proud of that! 
• Allow yourself to be sad. It may seem counter-intuitive, but it’s true! Don’t try to put it behind you and run away from the situation. The best way through this is through it – not around it or over it. 
• Don’t isolate yourself. During this time, you need to connect with others more than ever. If you can find a support group, take advantage of that resource. There are thousands of women going through what you are going through right now. Being alone only makes the pain worse.
•  If you cannot leave the house, get online and find some support groups for birth moms. There are multiple groups on social media where you can find a safe outlet.
• Put yourself first. You have made the best decision for your baby. Now, it is time to focus on you. You deserve to feel good again! You can find some pandemic-friendly self-care options here!
• If things are unbearable, seek professional help. Even if you can’t bring yourself to call a medical professional, ask a friend to do it for you. There are many ways your doctor can help from medication to counseling. Getting help doesn’t make you weak.

How can Adoption Choices of Arizona help?

There are many ways our agency can find relief:

• Financial Assistance: with living expenses up to eight weeks post-birth. If we all agree to go forward with an adoption plan, we provide appropriate and court approved financial assistance of housing, food, sundries, bus passes and other necessities to make your pregnancy comfortable.
• Homelessness relief: we respond immediately and place you in a hotel while we help you assess your situation.
• Medical costs: the choice of adoption is always at no cost to the birth mother and we will ensure you are well taken care of.
• Transportation: to and from your doctor’s visits.

Brighter days ahead

With Adoption Choices of Arizona, you’re never alone! You are totally in control of the type of adoption you choose (open, semi-open or closed), as well as the family who adopts your child. As a birth mother, you should feel empowered and confident in your decision to do what is best for your baby. Most importantly, when you have feelings of doubt, remind yourself why you chose adoption. With many post placement resources for birth mothers in Arizona available, there are multiple avenues to receive help.

When emotions become overwhelming, it can be easy to forget why you made this choice. In those times, have a list handy outlining your reasons for choosing to place your child for adoption. Remember that adoption is a choice — one that you confidently make with us by your side.

For adoption resources or to begin your adoption journey, birth parents can visit us at Adoption Choices of Arizona or call or text us at 1-480-900-5520. If you are an prospective adoptive family hoping to adopt a baby, please instead, visit us here!

Meet the author: Megan Nichols is a writer, artist and collector of multiple plants- most of which she has successfully killed. She lives in North Carolina with her goldendoodle, Rosie, and super-hero daughter. Megan is pursuing her MFA at Liberty University and plans to teach Art History and Creative Writing at her local community college after graduation. 

When she isn’t sipping pumpkin spice coffee and madly typing away in her office, you can find her biking with her daughter or painting her next masterpiece while watching the squirrels.