Here’s Why Birth Fathers Choose Adoption
Deciding how to handle unplanned pregnancies is never easy for anyone involved — particularly with birth fathers. After all, most of the attention in situations like these tends to center around the birth mother, as she is the one bringing the child into the world. It’s important to remember, though, that birth fathers play just as important of a role in the adoption process. They should get an equal amount of say in the adoption journey.
Here are some reasons why birth fathers choose adoption:
You aren’t ready to start a family
When individuals or couples are ready to start a family, they just know. They typically plan months or even years in advance, saving portions of their salary and making room in the house. However, when unplanned pregnancies occur, you’re not expected to be ready. That’s completely OK. Having children takes loads of planning and a full commitment.
If you aren’t wholly dedicated to the idea of a family — and eventually the reality of it — it’s best to find an individual or couple who would do anything for that. Someday, when the timing’s right, you might be fully equipped. You can’t force it now, though. When you’re ill-prepared for something as life-changing as a child, the stress can make you disfavor the road there, and eventually, the actuality of taking care of someone else. It takes time, patience and willingness to get there.
Choosing adoption can make pregnancy expenses less of a burden
Now, this shouldn’t be the sole reason you go with adoption, but it should still be kept in mind. At Adoption Choices of Arizona, financial assistance is given to birth parents during the pregnancy and even six to eight weeks post-birth. This includes, but is not limited to: living expenses, medical expenses, transportation and, if applicable, assistance with homelessness. Even though these seem more beneficial for the birth mother, if you and her are still together, it’ll become an advantage for both of you.
To think even more into the future, it’s important to remember you won’t have to pay for another person’s insurance, food, clothing or any of the other living expenses that pile up quickly. It can be hard enough to provide for oneself, let alone a child for whom you weren’t prepared.
You know someone else will give your child a better life
Along those same lines, your personal financial situation should be taken into consideration. You may already have children and can’t find room for more, or you might not have the space or resources in the first place. However, you know that there are those who have been preparing for a long time to have children and be able to provide for them. Thus, as the birth father, you choose adoption to help hopeful adoptive parents fulfill their dreams.
As a separated couple, you don’t want to have a custody battle
When couples cut ties, it affects everyone involved, especially their child. Custody battles ensue, and they can get ugly. Another factor to consider, especially as the birth father, is that fathers lose custody battles more often than mothers. However, a couple’s main priority should always be to put their child first.
If you feel a custody battle would only worsen the child’s relationship with both of you, consider an alternative: namely, adoption. You can choose open adoption, which will be discussed more in-depth in the next paragraph. This way, you can perhaps work out some differences that will make any contact in the future you have with your child better.
Open adoption means you can maintain some contact with your child
At Adoption Choices of Arizona, we highly encourage open adoption. We know how difficult adoption is for birth parents, and that you want as much reassurance as possible that you made the right choice. With open adoption, you can stay in touch with the adoptive family and watch your child evolve from afar. If you really hit it off with the adoptive parents while you interview them, you may establish a friendship that could potentially make the initial separation between you and the child less painful.
Closed adoption means you can get closure
Closed adoption is just as valid of an option, too, but it comes with fewer benefits. Once the adoption is finalized and the relinquishment papers are signed, it’s completely over. You no longer have any contact with your child or the rest of the adoptive family. This way, your privacy stays intact while knowing you don’t have to explain your decision to choose adoption to anyone. With closed adoption, however, you can’t regret not maintaining any contact later — because you won’t be able to take it back.
Why Birth Fathers Choose Adoption
Birth fathers have just as much of a right as birth mothers to express what they want in situations like these. While adoption is never your only choice, it should never be an afterthought given its guaranteed result — since every adoption plan ends with a child getting a home — and financial assistance, among other valuable assets. Adoption is a safe choice, and in a world of uncertainty, birth fathers want to do what’s dependable yet rewarding.
Meet the Author: Bre Offenberger is a rising junior studying journalism at Ohio University and the copy chief of the award-winning campus newspaper, The Post. She’s been working for Adoption Choices of Arizona since December of 2019.
When she’s not researching and writing for Adoption Choices, she’s listening to music and reviewing it for The Post, watching tennis or inviting friends to go on photoshoots with her.