Choosing a Single Adoptive Father as a Birth Mother
Single men don’t have many options when it comes to having and raising a family. If a single man willingly signs up to become an adoptive parent, he’ll move mountains to not disappoint one of his only options to have his own family. These are great characteristics in a potential adoptive father. Any man willing to adopt already has great father potential, as he’s signing up for a lifetime role all on his own.
Stereotypically, children have 2 caretakers — a mother and father. It’s perfectly understandable that as a birth mother, you want the best family to take care of your child. When thinking of placing your child for adoption, you might automatically construct an image of a happy couple looking to expand their family. But have you thought of single adoptive fathers? Single adoptive fathers who are ready to take the next step in expanding their family.
Contrary to popular belief, children don’t need two adult figures raising them to have a loving and fulfilling childhood. Here at Adoption Choices of Arizona, we encourage you to not immediately eliminate single adoptive fathers from the applicant list. Here are some reasons why you should consider choosing a single adoptive father as a birth mother.
Removing the Adoption Stigma
Although single father adoption has gotten more popular over the years, it’s estimated that only 3% of yearly adoptions come from single men. It helps that fathers’ roles at home in a traditional husband and wife setting have been changing for years. Many more fathers have now become the stay-at-home parent, while their partners work. Stay-at-home dads are helping to remove the stigma of a man’s inability to be a single parent and caregiver. Gender roles for men are evolving. As a result, single men are realizing that they don’t need a wife or a partner to be a father.
Adoption is not an easy or fast decision for the birth mother, or adoptive father. The wanting and willingness to raise a child on his own, even through all of the struggles, means the adoptive father is strong and determined. The idea and definition of family is constantly changing. And as it does, it’s likely we’ll see even more single men choosing to become fathers on their own.
Why Choose A Single Adoptive Father
As stated before, adoption is one of the only options that men have in order to have children. Many men desire to have children, but don’t necessarily desire to have a romantic relationship. As a result, many men decide to parent alone. Any man who would willingly raise a child all on his own, deserves an award. He also deserves respect, as the “single father” label promotes strength and compassion. Even though single fathers differ in important ways compared to single mothers, they still need the same support.
Being a single father means increased bonding time with the child. Without a significant other taking up spare time with different needs, a single father has more time and energy for his kid. He’s able to focus all of his concern on the child rather than splitting his focus. Single fathers also have the opportunity to role model ethical behavior for his kid. By juggling day-to-day challenges in modern society, and being there for the child, the father is able to teach their child that it’s possible to thrive on one’s own. Independence is an important characteristic for a child to learn and witness.
Children of single father households usually have shared responsibility for the well-being of the family. This increased responsibility allows them to feel closer to the father. Rather than “the kids” vs. “the parents”, they’re a team. More often than not, the relationship between parent and child is a lot closer when in a single father household. This can increase the child’s confidence as well.
Choosing a Single Adoptive Father as a Birth Mother
Don’t be afraid to meet with the potential adoptive father before your baby is born. You can only learn so much from a profile and the basic information provided to you. Being around the adoptive father can help put you at ease, and give you a chance to witness his personality. Meeting with the adoptive father is especially important if you’re choosing an open adoption, as you want to establish a comfortable relationship with him.
Trust your gut! A mother’s intuition is real, and you shouldn’t feel pressured to select an adoptive father if he doesn’t feel like the one. You have the right to take as much time as you need to make a decision. But keep in mind that hopeful adoptive fathers are vulnerable and emotional too, so kindly let him know if he’s not the one.
Always remember that you are not alone in this journey. We provide an abundance of support here at Adoption Choices of Arizona, and equip counseling sessions if needed. Single men deserve the opportunity to create a loving family, and we thank all birth mothers for taking the time to consider choosing a single adoptive father to take care and love your child.
Meet the author: Sarah Aguilera, a Northern Arizona University linguistics and creative writing graduate, is an aspiring author with a passion for influencing others through written words. She has a healthy ardor for all things literature and is often found with a book in her hands.
When she’s not working, Sarah likes to spend her free time swimming, playing with her dog, going to concerts with friends and having crazy adventures with her family. Her love for her own family is what pushed her to join our writing team. She looks forward to educating those hoping to grow their family through adoption.
Here are some links and articles I referenced or drew inspiration from.