Have you ever stayed up all night to study for a test, felt really prepared, and then received an F on it the next day? How about your best friend’s family moving from the neighborhood without being able to say goodbye? These situations, among others, can very much feel like failures.
Sometimes, no matter how much thought, preparation, and anticipation goes into life, it just doesn’t work out. Adoption is no exception to this, and this is what is commonly known as a “failed” adoption.
Failure. This term holds such a negative connotation that we should dive into the components that give it this name. What is a failed adoption anyway? There are many elements to be considered:
A failed adoption match is when the birth mother, although already established with a prospective adoptive family, decides to parent the baby herself. We can only hope that if this is the case, it is what is best for the birth mother and the place baby, although can be devastating to the adoptive parents.
Contested adoption is when one birth parent wants to go through with the adoption, but the other is against it. This can happen for a variety of reasons, including an unknown pregnancy, a change of heart from one of the birth parents, or a mistaken understanding of who the birth father is. Either way, the law allows the birth father to contest the adoption in order to gain custody of the child if he so chooses.
Disrupted adoption is when the adoptive parents are unprepared or unfit to care for the place baby’s developmental, physical, or emotional status. This can also be the cause of the adoptive parents and place child simply not getting along, or if one party ultimately has extreme trouble with the adoption. Often times, this can all result in the place child being placed into a foster care system, or back in an orphanage.
Dissolved adoptions sometimes can result from disrupted adoptions; this is after the adoption has been finalized, and the adoptive parents’ relationship with the child is terminated somehow. Dissolved adoption can happen in situations in which the place baby has a special need that perhaps the adoptive parents were unaware of in the first place, or perhaps they did not realize the extra love and tenacity it requires to raise the child.
When hearing the word “failure,” I automatically assume something has gone drastically wrong, and you might, too. But that is not how a failed adoption should be viewed. Sometimes, things just do not slip into place as we might want them to, and adoption is no exception. It is not as simple as interlocking our fingers with another person’s. Sometimes, we’ve got the wrong puzzle piece, and it can take a lot to make it right again.
Although these things do happen, they are obviously very hurtful and cause a plethora of damaging situations, so trying to mitigate them is our goal. With an adoption agency like Adoption Choices, we can help you avoid these by carefully screening potential adoptive parents and expectant women and doing our best to ensure that the adoption will be successful and happy. And like a failed test or a lost connection to a best friend, failed adoptions can leave a wound that hopefully can be looked at in the future with grace.