The term “open adoption” is often said with lingering worry and paranoia. What if open is too open? Birth parents might be worried that their child may have anger or resentment towards them if they were to see one another. Adoptive parents may feel concerned their child would rather be with their biological parents. However, these concerns, like many, are very rarely a reality in the adoption community.
What’s most important to think about is how the child will feel without an open adoption.
Will there be a constant wonder?
A longing for something they can’t have?
Resentment that they’re living a life that they had no say in?
Many adoptees feel grateful for the opportunity to not only know, but have a meaningful relationship with their birth family. Receiving love from not one, but two families is something you can’t compare anything else to. Many say that without having known their birth mother/families that they would have felt lied to or that something in their lives was missing and wrong. Adoptees describe the experience like having one big family. Being able to understand where you came from and why you’re where you are now is important. It’s easy to take that feeling for granted until you’re wondering how you came to be who you are without being able to be given an answer.
Adoption is never something that can have all the answers, explanations, and turn of events that were planned. There can be times when an adoptee might still feel alone or different; might still have questions that they can’t fully come to terms with. But knowing that there are people surrounding you with love and the want to help answer these questions as best as they can is something adoptees say changed their lives and shaped who they are today.
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